Tuesday, April 5, 2011

High on PMS

I so badly want to be one of those women (if they do in fact exist. To this day I still believe them to be a myth) that don’t have PMS. Ya know, the kind that physically go through the treacherous and annoying symptoms but are so blissfully and ignorantly happy that it makes you wanna stick your foot out as they walk by your cubicle just to see if the fall will sour their day up just a tad? Yeah, those women….. The ones who always have some happy quote to post at 6:15am on the Facebook page as you can’t seem to find any socks without a hole in them, nothing to wear, kids “need”  chocolate milk as  struggle to get yourself looking somewhat presentable to the public.  One reason I no longer have a Facebook.
This is not an uplifting blog that will leave you inspired or full of hope….So, there, you have been warned…
But seriously, these commercials about the happy women playing Frisbee on the beach and doing cart wheels, claiming the medication they are advertising eliminates all of the unspeakable symptoms…Let me just tell you right here and now, I am immune to these magic beans! I have a 3 week training program in place specifically for this time of the month…. But come game time, it appears all my preparation becomes moot because everyone else seems to be taking “tick off Amanda pills” to counter all my efforts to be a pleasant peach!
I am convinced that the first of the month makes everyone I come in contact  with, hard of hearing. I find myself having to repeat myself multiple times before I give up or forget my original point!
I am convinced that my kids feel like they have precedence and authority over the bathrooms and I don’t deserve any privacy… Like it is a circus show that they arrive early to…
I am convinced that all traffic lights are preprogrammed to tick me off. That they sense my PMS coming and just like the ambulance signals the lights to turn green, my PMS signals them to turn red…No yellow, just straight from green to red.
I am convinced that lids to any kind of liquids malfunction only at the beginning of the month…
I am convinced that rent is due at the beginning of the month just to tick me off.
I am convinced that my toes look for things to stub against just to tick me off.
I am convinced that I do not have PMS, I believe everyone else has a problem staying out of my way.
Actually, I know it’s me…But here’s the deal, if I know the deal, and there are TV commercials constantly reminding YOU of the deal, then why is the burden on me to adjust? How about for one week, people just…um, stop ticking me off? Is there a pill for that? If so, take it and then I will begin doing my cart wheels!