Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Belated Mother's Day Post - I know I'm lame-no need to point!!

Whoops-a-daisy! I totally skipped over my Mother’s Day Review Post. I realized I was the only one who didn’t at least acknowledge my Mother’s Day in the Blog World. When you’re a single mom, the gifts we really want are automatically forfeited.  Gifts like sleeping in, breakfast in bed, a nap, hot bubble bath, relaxation, the right to camouflage into the couch and not fold a single towel, match any socks, do absolutely no chores of any kind. Well, these things aren’t just sacrificed on M’s Day, they are generally nonexistent Sunday - Monday so therefore this special day becomes a little less special and a lot more like a Tuesday. Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining. Not me. No sir-ee. I am not a whiner.  I am just defending my neglect to this Hallmark holiday. Speaking of Hallmark, when did the price for cards go from $1.09 to $3.99 and up? Are we seriously buying decorated cardboard with someone else’s manufactured sentiments printed on them? The answer, YES. And Hallmark has us by the baseballs here because what kind of mother, daughter, aunt, sister or friend would you be if you didn’t buy them a card?! For me personally, I would prefer a grande vanilla latte from starbucks over the cheesy McSqueezy Hallmark card designed to make your mascara run down your face. But I appreciate the cards, nonetheless. It’s the thought that counts after all…Just wish someone would have thought of a Target gift card. (Hint for next year peeps)
I was pleasantly surprised when Kylee gave me a vase of flowers from the ex MIL. I was certain she had an elite club specifically for plotting my demise. Anytime I stub my toe I am fairly certain it’s a result of negative thoughts being sent out in the universe about me, by her. I bought her a card prior to receiving those flowers because hey, let’s face it, she is a mom of 7, she has lost a son, she has a successful marriage which ain’t easy, and aside from how we feel towards each other now, I still love her. Of course, Hallmark makes a card for Mother from Kids, Mother from daughter, Mother from son, Mother from cousin, Mother from cat, Mother from dog. But they do NOT make a card from ex daughter in law who you wish would either take her son back or fall of the face of the earth and BTW you are ruining my grandchildren’s lives, but Happy Mother’s Day anyway card. So I opted for a blank one.
I had my usual Mexican standoff with Kylee on Sunday morning before church, and debated whether or not a blue shirt would match her purple tights. In my efforts to not have her walking out of the house looking like Punky Brewster, I have successfully earned the title of control-freak-mommy who worries too much about what others say about my daughter’s Ramona Quimby style choices. I guess it wouldn’t have been the end of the world if I just let her wear those size 2T shorts that she sometimes dresses her Baby Alive in, or the shirt from last summer that is so old and worn out that it now says My eart be ongs to y addy. (My Heart Belongs to My Daddy) I am not a total loser mom either, I bought her some new summer clothes from Target, that way she can match every.single.kid at the playground because let’s be real here, all the cool mom’s shop at Target, right? At what age does it become offensive to be caught at the same play date or playground wearing the same shorts and matching top as the other kid? It’s not age 4… We ended up coming to some agreement about her ensemble, I don’t remember what it was but I am pretty sure she was more of the winner than I was. It was a win by default because at some point I throw my hands up in the air (not the Miley Cyrus way) and say WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANNA WEAR, JUST BE AT THE DOOR READY TO GO IN 2 MINUTES! Ah! Caramba!!! (side note – Dora did NOT teach me this one) Needless to say, I can lose my religion in a hot minute getting the kids ready for church. Happy Mother’s Day!
Kylee had quite the collection of pictures, artwork and crafty flowers for me which are proudly displayed on my fridge. We took an intermission after church so the kids could nap, a.k.a Mommy can watch Real Housewives of Orange County. Then we headed off to my mom’s house for more Mother’s Day fun!
My sister, let me preface by saying I think she is a wonderful mother. She has a turd face of an ex husband who creates more stress than that indoor playground at the mall on a rainy Saturday. It should come as no shock to you that sometimes Kylee can be dramatic, demanding, difficult and stubborn. My sister seems to think she can fix my child in one weekend. First and foremost, Kylee is not a weekend fixer-upper type child. With any hope, by the time she is in her 20’s we can write off her psychologist bill as a business expense of some sort. I am truly at my wits end with the idea that A) Kylee is the one who needs fixing when it is clearly her mother who has the Joan Crawford complex! And B) since when did you have all the answers to parenting? Your approach to wanting to fix my baby makes me want to square up with you and hit you in the forehead a sock of quarters. OK, I feel I must let you all know how much my sister means to me. She is my best friend and if any one tries to mess with her I will go moon bat crazy on them! But seriously, Mother’s Day consisted of continual dissertations about what her son did yesterday and how she disciplined him and made him into the perfect child, yes, overnight. Now I know she probably didn’t mean for it to come off as annoying as it did. Her intentions were probably not to make me want to pull my hair from their follicles, but I did, want to. But I had a quiet chuckle of victory when I got to witness her parenting techniques fail epically time after time that day. This is not a dig at her as a mom by any means. It is simply my way of suggesting that maybe you don’t have all the answers. That maybe you can’t fix my child in 2 days. Maybe you have a normal 2 year old who pouts when he is told NO, or disobeys you just cause, or doesn’t listen to a thing you have to say…But it’s ok…this is normal 2 year old behavior. We have the same parenting styles, just different kids!!! So please, just worry about your child, not mine. Oh, by the way, your perfect child who always eats whatever you tell him to eat, just spit his carrots all over the floor. No worries though, Logan ate them.   
On a side note, this entry will definetely tell me if my sister really is reading my blogs....
All in all, Mother’s day was not relaxing like it was designed to be, but when we got home from my mom’s, I put Logan to bed and Kylee and I snuggled in my bed and watched Bambi together. She told me she never wants me to die like Bambi’s mom…. Well dear, neither do I. Happy Mother’s Day!
I added a few pictures of my Mother’s Day. My sister is the one with the short hair. Her child is the perfect one. What? You can’t tell from a picture? Ok.
Kylee and Perfect McPerfectson

Perfect McPerfectson with Perfect McMommy

(From left to right)
Logan, Me, Kylee, KC, Mason

My son makes me so proud!

If it makes him this happy, pick away!