Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Pees and Q's

Recently Kylee has been asking questions NON STOP!!! Here are a few from the last 12 hours.
1.       What makes lightening?
a.       I realize this was probably taught to us in Jr. High school or possibly even *cringe* elementary and I failed to obtain the information. Sorry daughter, let’s Google shall we?!
2.       Where is Icarly’s mom?  
a.       I don’t care! I don’t care! I don’t care!!!
b.      Almost ALL kid shows are lacking parents…. Hmmmmm…..Subliminal messages? I think so!
3.       Why is Justin Beiber’s favorite color purple?
a.       Do you think mommy knows this kid? Do you think that Bieber and I have a secret relationship where we discuss the arts, favorite books, travel, and favorite colors? No, I presume he is gay and THAT is why it is his favorite color. (I didn’t really tell her he is probably in the closet – She will grow out of her obsession before that even matters – hopefully…)
4.       Is it kissing if you don’t touch lips?
a.       I actually DO know the answer to this. I said, No, it is only kissing if the lips touch.. So she then asks….
5.       Then what’s it called?
a.       What is what called? If the lips don’t touch? I don’t know, sweetie. Oh just tell me! I really don’t know what that would be called… *sigh – eyes roll*
6.       Do tornadoes bite?
a.       Seriously.
7.       Why can’t our house be made of pizza and chocolate?
a.       That would be smelly….AND delicious.
8.       Why do you have to wear your shoes on the right feet?
a.       Because
9.       Why can’t I just sleep in the car?
a.       We haven’t g that low yet
10.   Can I cut my eye lashes off?
a.       Sure
11.   Why can’t Logan wear makeup too?
a.       Because he is a boy. (to which she replies that the mad hatter in Alice In Wonderland wears makeup – confusion)

I’m sure there are plenty more questions that my brain has selectively removed for the sake of preserving some of my sanity. But answers to Kylee’s questions often times do not even exist.  BECAUSE is never acceptable, something always has a name, and I DO NOT KNOW ticks her off. The other night, out of mere curiosity, I decided to count how many questions Kylee asked from the moment I picked her up to the moment she went to bed…. I stopped counting at 73. NO JOKE! I should have written every single one down and regret not doing so for this blog’s sake. I am happy she has an inquisitive little mind. I feel that the more information I give her, the dumber I become. (No comment needed) Moving right along.

I peed on myself. That’s right. I peed on myself. Not because something was so hysterical; But because my children have corrupted my body both mentally and physically to the point of uncontrollable bodily functions. This past week I have been battling some type mixed disease containing a shot of allergy attacks + hint of flu and douse exhaustion. This sickness causes me to cough violently until a lung or urine comes out. Coughing like I have emphysema never used to affect me this way. But apparently birthing two children shifted some major internal parts that hold your pee in while you cough and/or sneeze. That’s right, sneezing too! My reaction to any type of reflux now is to hold myself! Like my hand can keep the pee from coming out. Works so far. Another question of Kylee’s: Why do you hold yourself when you cough? – To which I answer, because you and Logan ruined my body! Just kidding! I didn’t tell her that. I just thought it in the privacy of my own mind.

I know I am all over the place with this blog and I apologize. I hope you aren’t getting dizzy. I reactivated my Facebook this week. I took a hiatus for a while just to get off the social networking ride. But it is nice to be back and see what everyone is up to. I realized without Facebook, it is hard to be a good friend. So far, an old co worker friend of mine had a baby, a girlfriend got an awesome new car for graduation, another friend got engaged. I’m glad I’m back.

Kylee and I have been working on this $^&#* Hello Kitty puzzle for a week now and I am seriously about to teach Kylee how to give up gracefully. I don’t think this puzzle can be done! First of all, it’s a Lenticular puzzle. Do you know what these are? If not, imagine taking 10 shots of tequila then riding The Tony Hawk ride at Six Flags. It’s one of those puzzles when you move your head, the picture changes… So it is basically 2 puzzles in 1. Therefore one piece has two completely different pictures on it depending on if you move your head to the left or right. So last night, Kylee asked me to help her again with this impossible thing. Twenty minutes pass before I realize Kylee isn’t even helping me!!! She is watching Icarly!!!!!! I asked her if she was going to help me or what and her response was, I AM helping! She pretends to help by picking up pieces and not even attempting to make them fit! Now I am dizzy and mad for being suckered into this. Then all the sudden I am desperately trying to remember WHO bought her this God-forsaken gift so I can personally send them a thank you note with Anthrax in it! Needless to say we did not complete it last night. It is sitting on the dining room table. There will be no meals at this table until it is finished! Even if I have to do it while she is at her dad’s this weekend. Sad or obsessive?

ITS THIS EXACT ONE!!!

Dear friends, family and potential enemies,
NO MORE PUZZLES AS GIFTS! SERIOUSLY! I MEAN IT!

PEE. S (ha, get it?)
Sorry for being all over the place. I appreciate you reading!