I remember the days when long holiday weekends meant an extra day to do the chores, and extra day to rest, catch up on trash TV, clip your toe nails, pluck something, and order in pizza… My 4th of July weekend was NOTHING like this. It was the complete opposite of that to be exact.
A few posts back I mentioned how smoothly the Ex Train seemed to be rolling… I should have known there would be hidden unmarked detours that would derail us to Bitterland. I tend to forget or allow myself to ignore the fact that one’s past choices can help you predict their future choices. Let me start from the beginning of my weekend from HELLooooo.
Kylee and Logan started a new daycare thanks to CCMS. As a single mom receiving no child support I qualified for the childcare assistance, barely… But they can now go to a real “school” which will hopefully bring back some normalcy to Kylee’s world she seems to be missing since the big D. She missed going to her daycare and when her dad and I split up, I couldn’t afford to send her there. So for 5 minutes, I got to be her hero for once! There has been a lot of legwork to get them enrolled. Such as calling doctors for shot records, Kylee eavesdropping on my conversation, explaining to Kylee that she doesn’t need shots, her not believing me, me asking her to stop listening to my conversations, then grunts and eye rolling from
both of us her. It has been a headache, but well worth it. Logan is adjusting pretty well there too. WIN!
I was leaving work last week and realized the side window of the car is busted out from the heat! What? That happens?! Seriously? So I get to graciously drive to the new daycare with a busted out window, sweat drenched shirt and pants, soaking wet head to toe. I was THAT mom…. I kept my big sunglasses on with my head hung lower than my shoulders and quickly got in and out with as few people seeing me as possible. I was excited to start my long holiday weekend with the kids, but .58 seconds after I picked them up Kylee threw her attitude at me like a fast pitched baseball! Throughout the weekend, I realized that she doesn’t know how to respond with OUT pouting… Even when getting her way… she pouts. It leaves me in a state of total confusion. I am convinced that with every tantrum, every eye rolls, every spanking creates a hole in my memory/brain. I am retaining very little information these days and can hardly finish a thought without asking someone to remind me where I am, what I was saying, and who they are. I have a mental image of all these important facts I need to remember scattered on the ground trailing behind me as I lug the kids upstairs… It’s pathetic. This is going to become a problem....Sometimes I just- - - What was I saying?
If I attempted to use the restroom (GASP) the second I round the corner and leave their sight I hear screams. HE PULLED MY HAIR! HE HIT ME! HE CHANGED THE CHANNEL! HE WON’T GIVE ME MY TOY BACK! HE SNEEZED ON ME! It was a web of tattle telling, crying, pouting, talking back, rolling eyes and crying…From all of us. Because they can’t understand the concept of TIME yet, they don’t understand why we can’t go down to the pool at 730 in the damn AM!!! In their little brains, they have been up forever, they’re tired of watching Team Umizoomi and ready to swim….At 730 AM on Saturday… Swimming is my secret weapon… It wears them out, it kills time and is or the most part, fun for all of us. I can’t waste this weapon out at 730am…Then what would we do after their nap?! No, my answer is NO. Of course Kylee handles hearing NO just about as well as a cat handles being thrown in water. So, of course this ignites the downfall of our Saturday.
I decided to go ahead and brave the heat that busted my window and go to Target for a few things. While in
heaven Target Kylee asked me if SICK rhymes with DICK…. That’s right… My child can RHYME!! Luckily the nun next to us didn’t hear her…. After a few questions I located the root to this weed and figured out where she heard that… Of course I made a mature attempt to address it with those she is hearing this language from, and to no avail. Because of course, Kylee ‘never” says or acts this way when I’m not around. I must just bring it out in her. (Insert sarcasm here) Some call it CO-PARENTING; I like to refer to it now as NO-PARENTING. Throughout the weekend, she continuously shocked me with more language I’m pretty sure Chelsea Lately doesn’t even uses, but again, it must be me. (Or Fisher-Price...Yeah, thats the culprit!)
A heavy cloud of exhaustion, failure, disappointment, and discouragement lingered over my head as I prayed my way through the valley of total despair. I was more than content with the idea of skipping church and possibly getting a nap (GASP) but Kylee really wanted to go to church. I thought to myself, I am not gonna let Satan keep me from taking the kids to church… So we got dressed, faced the heat and went to church. The message was just what I needed. I felt refreshed, hopeful, and ready to face anything. Anything except the cop that just pulled me over. GAH!
Fast forward to the 4th of July. We went to a friend’s house for a BBQ, and for the most part had no issues. It’s a hard thing for Kylee right now to learn and test her boundaries at each home. But in my home, “sick” does NOT rhyme with… ANYTHING!!!
I am teaching the lesson tonight at the women’s prison ministry I am a part of. I am so ready to share my experience with these ladies and how God has moved in my life this past week. I have spent a lot of time praying for those who have hurt me, and it has humbled me in so many ways. Without fear, there is no such thing as courage. I am pulling my courage from the Lord, not my circumstances.
Thanks for reading! And check back soon for some exciting news!!!