Thursday, October 27, 2011

Trick or Treat???

Some women wait all year for this day. For their time to shine, stand out, be seen, all eyes on her, all the preparation comes down to this one day. Their wedding day.  Halloween.  It’s their once a year opportunity to be a (insert adjective) and not be judged for it.  It puts a whole new meaning on words TRICK or TREAT. Trick actually means trick and treat no longer refers to mini snickers and Twix.
Dude and I were invited to a costume party and the theme is Movie/TV. Tons of ideas poured in when I took a poll on Facebook. So I began to Google some of the suggestions. I found myself quickly exiting out of my screen in fear that my boss would think I was looking up porn!  I was quickly discouraged that all the PG-13 costumes had been sold discontinued.
Why do women even claim to be dressing up as anything else other than a prostitute off of Harry Hines Blvd? Clearly their goal is to wear as little as possible, show as much as possible and somehow get the message across that they received the memo that it was a COSTUME party, not a sex party!
Now I ask you fellow bloggers to help me decide which “costume” to wear that won’t give my mother a heart attack or shame my role as a youth leader in church. I’m thinking the “sexy” Mr. Potato Head… I’m not kidding. The polls are open, your vote counts!
Disclaimer: (kidding, I would never wear any of the following costumes)

Boobs sold seperately


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Top 5 Worst Birthday Presents for Kids

Obviously having children changes your life, pretty much forever. From the way you eat to the way you sleep. Your weekends go from sleeping in until your body physically cannot sleep anymore, to getting up before the sun rises just to watch repeat episodes of The Backyardagains and Team Umizoomi. Your weekends almost immediately become consumed with birthday parties. Non-stop.Birth.Day.Parties.
In the mommy society there are few ground rules which we all know about, yet none of us speak about.

1.       If I come to your kid’s party, you better come to mine
2.       Don’t RSVP if you don’t mean it
3.       Limit the amount of CRAP in the goodie bags
4.       Don’t make me get in a swimsuit…Seriously
5.       Don’t have a party during peak naptime hours

Pretty simple rules.

Of course with the hectic-ness that accompanies the title of being a mom, these commandments cannot always be accommodated. Scheduling conflicts, multiple parties to attend, sports and LIFE in general can be a booger!

We typically try to attend as many parties as possible. I would estimate that we spend roughly $35-60 per month on presents. More often than not, I am friends with the mother of the birthday boy/girl. I mean like an actual real life friend, not just a Facebook acquaintance. I take that into consideration when picking out the gifts. My kid’s birthdays this year were both successful.  They had fun and got a lot of great presents. I’m so  thankful (that reminds me I gotta get thank you notes) for all of our friends and family who spent their time and money on my kids. However there are certain gifts that add more stress and headaches to my life than necessary. I would like to go on Blog record, that if you have ever bought the following gifts for other kids, I assure you their mom is secretly plotting their revenge on you at this very moment.

1.       Puzzles – Sure, we love for our kids to do puzzles! We love when our kid has that desire to find match and put things together. We think it makes them smarter and when they complete on we are ready to glaze it and frame it and send them off to Baby Genius Academy. But the truth is we like them to do puzzles at daycare, or school, or grandmas. Not at home. They take up the entire dining room table; they only want your when you are trying to cook dinner or after you already started on a box of wine and couldn’t match a pair of socks, let alone a friggin puzzle!
2.       Sidewalk Chalk – Yes! Just what every mother needs! An activity that requires a bath immediately afterwards. It gets everywhere. Hands, face, clothes, shoes, everywhere! Not to mention that participation requires we get on the ground and typically getting back up isn’t as easy as it used to be in the BC years. (Before Children)
3.       Jewelry Makers – Ahhh the gift that keeps on giving. I assure you no matter how prepared you are for this craft; you will find beads, balls and glitter all over your house for the next 2 years. Beads in the couch cushions glitter in the carpet, balls in your vacuum. My daughter got a Jewelry maker this year for her birthday and I have decided that the mother giver of this gift must have been plotting her sweet vengeance on me since high school. That is the only explanation. Shout out Malori! This particular jewelry maker has about 20 individual little bags of itsy bitsy balls, that you add water to and 4-6 hours later they expand to big balls which are ooey, and gooey and hard to handle. During the 4-6 hour wait period, Kylee asked me about 273 times, are they ready yet? Are they ready yet? Are they ready yet? ARE THEY READY YET, MALORI?! Note to mothers: if any gift requires a wait period of 4-6 hours, move on to the Barbie aisle.
4.       Play-doh – The same premise of the puzzles. I don’t mind that my child play with Play-doh, as long as it is not at my house. It always ends up on the floor and stuck in my carpet. Why do mothers do this to their fellow mothers? It’s just cruel.
5.       Paint – I think you are getting the idea….

I’m starting to understand why that one mom (who shall remain nameless here) registered for her kid’s birthday gifts.

Thank you notes are coming soon!

Friday, October 21, 2011

If it feels good, it's probably wrong

A great night with my kids quickly went sour with one phone call from the X Man. Again, I was baited into thinking he could possibly understand anything that I say. I was shocked by the amount of stupid thoughts that escaped his filthy mouth. I realized just how human I am because the overwhelming desire to insult, dig and cut into his oversized ego overpowered me. I wanted to shine light into his dark and ugly world by jabbing at his inabilities to grow up, be a father and a man. I wanted him to know how people really see him, how I see him and how one day, his kids will see him.

That was 8 minutes of my life I will never get back.
 As I took a few moments to compose my sin nature, God revealed to me something that was Post-It worthy. My kind of light is not His kind of light. Who’d – A - Thunk – It? Actually it’s pretty obvious.  As a Christian, it’s not my job to expose him; it’s my job to expose Him. I do so thru my actions, words, response to attacks, thru life in general. Not by pointing out The X Man’s faults and mistakes. And I have failed Him, yet again. As good as publishing his ass-holiness make me feel, being a Christian doesn’t always FEEL good nor does it include the word ass-holiness. Can I get an AMEN? A Hallelujah?
I am always in Damage Control mode with Kylee. Constantly correcting the lies she is told. Mommy doesn’t want me to see you. Mommy doesn’t love me. Mommy doesn’t like Hannah Montana. I am relentlessly reassuring her that Mommy does want her to have time with him, that Mommy does love him (ick) just in a different way and that Mommy does like Hannah Montana (as long as she stops putting mascara on my child). My energy is exerted towards righting his wrongs that when it comes to responding and not reacting to him, well let’s just say I have some work to do.
About a month ago I borrowed a few vows from a fellow blogger’s post in reference to the X Man. This is my attempt to try again at keeping these vows. This blog is to hold me accountable to myself. It is worth reminding, reposting, repeating, retrying for.
I will not let him bait me.
I will not take a cheap shot, even when one is taken at me.
I will not accuse (I will only inquire).
I will not taunt.
I will not discuss his marriage relationship (unless it affects the health, safety, or emotional welfare of our children). (This does not apply to me YET)
I will not engage in text or email wars with him anymore.
I will not call him names.
I will not question his parenting (unless, again, it affects the health, safety, or emotional welfare of our children).
I will not let him take his anger about his self-made situation out on me.
I will not question him about the barbs and complaints and criticisms of me that he makes to the children (and which they relay to me).  I will discuss those with the kids, but not with him.
I will not let him bait me. (Yeah, that’s twice on that one.  But it’s a weak spot of mine so worth repeating.)
I don’t want to be a person whose actions and choices are dictated by someone. Especially someone who is morally bankrupt and has integrity the size of a pomegranate… Ooops there I go again. Ok I never said I wouldn’t stumble along the way.
But really, what does it say about ME that I allow someone I think so poorly of determine and control MY overall attitude? It says I suck, that’s what!
So here’s to trying again. Here’s to renewed hope, a new perception, new expectations and a new outlook on my situation.
Thank You God for always revealing to me new ways to see You. I will seek your presence in every situation, every conversation, every circumstance, and I will respond according to Your command, not my own.
If it feels good, it’s probably wrong. Good life motto.
Happy Weekend everyone!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Tea Party

Kylee turned FIVE this past weekend. I always tease her and beg her not to get older. She reassures me that she will always be my baby. But alas, she is now five and continues to grow. Deep breaths…
Her princess party was a hit. She just loved being the center of attention. Big surprise there!  It warmed my heart how thankful she was for her party. She kept randomly coming up to me saying Thank You for my party mama. Even days after the party, she is still thanking me for it.
She got a for real tea set at her princess party. It’s legit. Made from real breakable glass, itsy bitsy little plates, cups, tea pots, etc. She has been chopping at the bit to have a tea party with me. So last night, after I tucked Logan into bed, she and I had our tea party in the living room. It was a very special moment for both of us. We had small talk, she filled my cup with tea, we snacked on crumpets…Ok so it was lucky charms and juice. But it was special. I watched Kylee’s eyes focus on her little pot as she carefully refilled our cups over and over.  She said to me, “mommy, you’re the best mommy and I always want to have tea parties with you.” My thoughts exactly Kylee.
It reminded me when I was younger and I thought I wanted to be a teacher every day. Life changes our dreams, our goals, our happiness and our imagination. As Kylee continues to get older, she might not always want to have actual tea parties with me. But it is my hope that whatever her happiness becomes  as she gets older, that she will always want me as a guest at her tea party.
I remember when I gave birth to her and held her for the first time. It was as if her body was a personalized puzzle piece that fit mine exactly. Her body cradled perfectly in my nook and I got lost in love just staring at her. It was hard then to picture the day she would walk, talk and become who she is today. For her first year of life she depended on me for food, now she runs to the pantry for a fruit snack. She is so independent. She is a nonstop chatter box with a lot to say and plenty on her mind. She is a spirited ball of energy with no desire to slow down. She knows what she is thinking and she needs to be heard and understood. She is a leader, a friend, a sister, a daughter and a cousin. She is the first born sibling and cousin on both sides so naturally she has the IM THE BOSS syndrome. She has a passion for justice and will stand up for herself if she feels wronged. She is a perfectionist, determined, passionate, protective, thoughtful and sassy.
Even though she doesn’t fit as perfectly snug in my arms as once did, she fits in my arms in a new way. She challenges me and pushes me to be a better woman and mother. She makes me who I am. She keeps me encouraged. Because of her I grow and learn more every day. I am better, because of her.
Because of her, I am me. Thank you Kylee and Happy Birthday! I love you!
    NOT five years old

    Five years old

Friday, October 14, 2011

WARNING! This blog contains emotion. Reader’s discretion is advised....

I should have been more careful when picking my ex-husband.  I should have seen the signs and warnings when we first began dating. I chalked it up to his age and assumed at some point he would outgrow his primitive nature and evolve into an adult. That was 2002.
The after math of this marriage is exhausting, daunting, frustrating, irritating, upsetting, disappointing and all in all, sucky! Our children are now considered tools of leverage and he uses them as such. Their feelings and emotions no longer play a part of his decision making process. (Assuming there is a process) He drags our daughter to the gym to train for something he was always less than mediocre in and calls it “spending time with her.” He purposely interferes with plans, he stirs things up for entertainment purposes, and he ignores suggestions directly related to their health, and overall makes his daily goal to inconvenience me at any cost.
After ignoring mine and the pediatrician’s recommendations to not allow our FIVE year old to wear mascara, I was shocked to see she had it on again. (I wasn’t really shocked, it was totally predictable)  My child said his girlfriend did it because she said it isn’t bad for her eyes. Of course the NINETEEN 18 year old girlfriend would know what is and isn’t healthy for a 5 year old, correct? Of course!!!! (Sarcasm) At this point, since this child (I am speaking of the new girlfriend, not Kylee) is insisting on decorating my child’s face with the best of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen’s makeup line, I decided to message both the children (The X Man and Hannah Montana) Here is what I wrote to her:
             Hi. I am Kylee and Logan’s mom. Last week, I asked **** not allow Kylee to wear mascara anymore. She got pink eye not too long ago and the doctor highly suggested no more mascara. She had it on again this morning. Just in case **** forgot to tell you, please do not put that on her anymore. I appreciate it.

Her response: Nothing. She blocked me.

What I sent to the X Man:

Xxxx, as I requested last week please do not allow Kylee to wear mascara. I saw that she had it on this morning when I checked them in. That request is not to fight with you or be petty but it is due largely in part of the recommendation of her pediatrician to help her prevent getting pink eye again. I also sent a request to XXXXX as well, thanks for your help in this matter.
His response:

                just want you to know that i think its pathetic you feel the NEED to email and interfere in my relationships. get a life
There is a breakdown in communication, obviously. My email was in reference to our child; his response was in reference to his relationship. Enter my frustration.
I have deduced that The X Man has reached his true potential. His call center employment, his side gigs at the strip club, his pedophile – ish relationships, his skewed vision of parenting, his non-existent maturity and his complete lack of respect for others. I’ve heard stories similar to mine where 5 years later things are repaired, it gets better. I have put that microscopic piece of hope on the shelf for now. I have lowered my expectations and have put nothing past him.
He did not show up to our court date earlier this week. So when the consequences occur for that choice, I am certain he will somehow find me at fault.
He plants his own seeds of anger and bitterness. He waters his selfish pride. His harvest will come.
Thank you for letting me vent and release my frustrations here. It was either here or Facebook. I decided to take the high road and blog.
Have a great weekend everyone and watch out for potential ex husbands! They’re everywhere!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Logan is officially TWO!

Logan is TWO… its official, he is leaving babyland and entering toddlerhood. I’m not sure where all the time goes… My guess it’s the same place that the socks disappear at in the dryer. Kylee spent the night with her aunt on Friday which allowed some quiet 1-on-1 time with my son. This happens very rarely, but when it does, I indulge in it. I dive into it head first. Logan overall has a very fun and care free demeanor, but when he is flying solo, he comes out of his shell in the most playful way. It makes my heart do things I’m sure most people never get to experience in a lifetime. I have endured a lot of unexpected twists and turns in my life, but my kids are by far the best outcome of it all.
So we played together, we jibber-jabbered and wrapped the evening up with a movie…That he actually sat thru and watched with me. Sitting right next to me, like a little man, even holding onto a few of my fingers. I spoke out loud to God how very thankful I was for that moment and I know I will never forget the smell of his hair, the touch of his hand, or the feeling I felt inside. I looked at his green eyes fixated on the TV I wondered about the type of man he would become. What lives he will touch, the type of boyfriend he will be, the career path he will take, the kind of brother he will be and already is, all these thoughts filled my mind and I couldn’t hold back my tears. I was completely overwhelmed with pure love and delight. I would not have traded that night, for a thing in the world. Literally.
With any divorce with kids involved comes an overpowering sense of guilt and fear of totally screwing up your kids, for good… This picture was taken Saturday at Logan’s party… This picture alone completely disproves that theory. If happiness had a picture, this is what it would be.

Happy Birthday Logan, my sweet son! I LOVE YOU!