Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Facebooking!!!

Facebook is a great tool for every type of person. Some use it to stay connected with relatives, old friends, classmates. Others use it to legally stalk people, keep track of their day to day lives. Some might use it to boost their own egos while others use it to keep their phony façade current with the masses. Whatever your reason, we have all been on the other side of the screen thinking, What the what is wrong with them?
I have been sick all week with an overly hyper 5 year so my tolerance for people has hit a record low. I estimate that my threshold for stupidity will increase significantly by the end of the Holiday weekend. But right now, here are a few things you all know you wish you could post on Facebook but never do.
To the happy couples who have to let everyone know how in love they are with their wife/husband:
Truth is if you’re truly happy you wouldn’t have to let your 667 friends know via mobile uploads. Truth is your real friends already know. Truth is you probably aren’t as happy as your posts say you are. Truth is you really annoy everyone. Truth is, stop it!
To the people who Check In everywhere they go:
Truth is I hardly think about you until I see you are checking in at HEB and then headed to the bank…. Then you check in at the bank. Then you check in at home and we think, finally it’s gonna stop…. Until you check in your bed…. Really? Step away from the phone. Be productive and go play MW3.
To the people who constantly tell us what they are making for dinner (typically healthy food):
Truth is no one is impressed that you downloaded a healthy recipe from Cooks.com. Truth is you could have made that same meal in half the time if you stopped posting your daily menu and calorie count on Facebook. We all know you sneak out of bed at night to eat Little Debbie’s Swiss cake rolls.  Betcha don’t post that!
To the people who take pictures of themselves in the bathroom:
Truth is it doesn’t look as good as you think it does. Truth is, you need a hobby, and maybe a friend.
To the people who have nothing nice to say:
Log off and shut up.
To the people who Twitterbook:
Truth is if you are posting on Twitter, it doesn’t need to sync to Facebook. They are separate social networks with different formats.  I don’t have the time nor the patience to translate your hashtag#-H8t@ blah updates!
To the people who purposely post open-ended updates:
This parallels with the negative Nancy posts. Don’t post stuff like, Wow, I can’t believe that just happened. I’m totally screwed now! Then when your friends, stalkers and mom want to make sure you aren’t about to jump off a cliff, you don’t respond. Truth is you should have just posted: I just want attention, please leave me a comment
To the TMI people:
Truth is you must have forgotten that your grandmother and pastor are your friends and might not need to know that you call your husband Bid Daddy, or that last night was amazing… ICK! Truth is you just got put on the UNSUBSCRIBE list.
I love Facebook. The beauty of it is you can post and say almost anything you want whether it is true, false, politically correct, inappropriate or risqué. It’s your profile, your reputation, your opinion and what I think really doesn’t matter and I know that. Like I said, my tolerance for it has been lowered as my fever has risen. This time next week I should be back to my normal self that will consist of a lot of eye rolling, laughing, and unsubscribing. Happy Facebooking to all!