Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Newtons Law

One of Newton’s laws of motion states that, Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it. He must have been referring to Ex-Husbands.  
I think that along with every good thing, every good time, every good experience or good anything comes a negative one to counter that. I say this because I had a very good weekend but it was immediately shadowed by the reality of my situation.
It was my custodial weekend so when I found out I was going out of town; I made arrangements for the kids. A while back, I had requested that the X-man and I switch weekends to accommodate my upcoming busy schedule. Thus maximizing my QT with the kids and minimizing the babysitter’s time with them. It was made clear by the X-man that accommodating me in any way was no longer on his give a damn list. So when I was finagling the final details of my weekend out of town, I didn’t find it necessary to involve him. He inevitably found out I was leaving for the weekend and volunteered to keep the kids instead of my pre-arranged childcare.  In spite of my personal opinions of him, I would prefer the kids be with their dad if I have to be away. So I agreed to his request knowing he would bill me for his services in the form of total bull crap.
I got back into town late Saturday night so I set my alarm to pick them up early Sunday morning before church. When I arrived to the brothel my ex in-laws house I was pleasantly surprised that Hannah Montana’s car wasn’t there for once. Kylee has been expressing her dislike for her continuous presence when she is with her dad. Of course I take into consideration that Kylee likes to please us by saying things she thinks we want to hear. I typically take it with a grain of salt but I do believe there is truth behind her complaints.
I ring the doorbell and on the other side of the door I hear joyful cries of happiness and shouts of “MOMMY!!” I almost broke the door down I was so excited to get my babies back. I was greeted with hugs and kisses from the kids.  They still needed to get their shoes on and Kylee was anxious to show me all the stuff her dad bought for her so I sat patiently on the couch. Kylee tried to lure me back to her dad’s room and before I could decline the offer the X-man rounds the corner in a panic to keep me out. Shortly after that I hear Kylee trying to wake Hannah Montana up.  Sadly I wasn’t surprised or shocked that she was once again in his bed.
I wish when choices like these are made I could have a genuine flabbergast-like reaction. But the only emotion that crashes into me every time is disappointment. I disagree with the “Do as I say, not as I do” parenting method that he so evidently relies on. Relying on a 19 year old to consider the effects she has on someone else’s children is foolish of me to hope for. She laid low and probably oozing with shame until I left. As I was buckling the kids in I could see his bedroom blinds moving. If only she knew she didn’t have to hide to sneak a peek at me thru the window. We could have actually met, shook hands and pretended it was nice to meet one another. I have no desire to meet her, although I have no desire for her to share a bed with my children either. I guess my vote doesn’t count here.
This day to day roller coaster of disappointment is either getting easier to ride or my tolerance for it is building. I am learning to let go of a lot that is out of my control. The fact is I don’t get to hand select his girlfriends or pick the music and TV they are subjected to. I do get to explain why Jersey Shore and Teen Mom are not appropriate to watch, and why she can’t sing LMFAO’s song I’m Sexy and I Know It. I predict there will be plenty more occasions where I will have to explain that wrong is wrong no matter who does it. I’m not responsible for his actions. I’m responsible for cleaning up the mess his actions leave behind.
So in reference to Newton’s law stating that Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it…. I will be that external force applied to my children’s lives.