Thursday, November 17, 2011

A trip to the doctor

This week walked up behind me, pushed me down, pulled it’s pants down took a dump on my new “I can do anything” perspective. My week started with the onset of the I don’t know what my kid has sickness. Last week the school called to tell me Logan wouldn’t keep his shirt on in class. I was all like, so what’s the big deal?  Then they were all like We think you should come get him. Later found out he had a rash all over his chest. One doctor’s visit, 5 hours of missed work and $25.00 later the eczema I already knew he had was confirmed. Monday night Logan sounded like Gollum with a smoking addiction. Come Tuesday I knew that cough needed to be heavily medicated. So did mommy.
Taking the kids to the doctor is like a scene from Cheaper by the Dozen.  I had to wake the munchkins from their nap at school, which inconsequently gave them energy equivalent to a 5 Hour energy/Mountain Dew cocktail. Kylee seemed overjoyed to be out of school early and Logan seemed confused. I casually discussed with Kylee what my expectations of her were while at the doctor’s office and she seemed quite anxious to please me… I was naturally suspicious.
Logan’s name was called and we began the 21 questions segment of our visit and then the waiting game. I love their pediatrician because he usually gets us in and out without devouring 2 hours of my time. Around the time the nurse does an about-face and leaves us alone to wait for the doctor is when Kylee takes her goodie-two-shoe mask off and begins to mount the walls like a spider monkey. Conveniently Logan copies everything his big sister does so he too begins crawling, climbing and jumping. They both get on the exam table layered with the loudest tissue paper ever produced. Kylee then begins to spank the clown painting on the wall, and Logan joins in as well. I’m sure in the next room it sounded a lot less like clown spanking and a lot more like wall banging. I finally peeled them off of the medical examination table which they transformed it into their personal trampoline only to have their attention diverted to the paper towel dispenser.
For a room the size of a handicap stall they sure do manage to get into a lot of crap! When the doctor walks in I sometimes hear harps and angels. At this point Kylee is no longer is aiming to please me or gain favor with me thru her actions. She has moved on to doing and saying things only to make Logan do and say them even louder. It’s now a competition between Kylee and the doctor of who can talk the loudest. I try to keep my focus on the important medical mumbo jumbo the doctor is spouting out. Something about asthma, or croup… Or was it bronchitis? Kylee be quiet! I catch almost every 3rd word. I am giving the look to Kylee in hopes to ignite the fear but it wasn’t working. I was attempting to be one of those Love and Logic moms and I’m pretty sure I failed or at least got a C-.
We load up on stickers, stamps and suckers and hit the road. Kylee was trying to put her goody-two-shoe mask back on before I noticed she ever took it off. Nice try darling. In love and logic I politely told her if she ever behaved that way again, I would ask the nurse to give her a shot. Now that’s logic!