I’m typing this blog because I just realized my underwear is on backwards. Before kids this never would have happened to me.
The official deterioration of my mental stability began in October of 2006 when Kylee was born and I became completely fluent in baby talk and it has been a steady decline ever since…
Here is a brief BEFORE and AFTER kids comparison:
BEFORE kids I had a cabinet for my shot glasses (I am not proud of that for anyone preparing for judgment) and NOW I have a cabinet full of sippy cups. And every time I open that dang cabinet an avalanche of stoppers and mixed-matched lids fall in my face.
BEFORE kids I wore thongs and sexy panties because my hips were in their rightful God given place… AFTER kids your hips are oddly misplaced on your body and I’m now forced to wear the panties that come in an 8 pack from Target.
BEFORE kids I slept in on Saturday. AFTER kids I…don’t.
BEFORE kids I could finish a sentence and an entire thought. AFTER kids I’m interrupted by requests for fruit roll ups and Go, Diego Go.
BEFORE kids I could take a hot shower. AFTER kids I am lucky if there is enough warm water left to get all the conditioner out.
BEFORE kids I peed alone. AFTER kids I have an intrigued audience with feedback and uncomfortable questions.
BEFORE kids I could answer questions with real knowledge. AFTER kids the only answer I have is “Because”
BEFORE kids I could talk on the phone. AFTER kids I don’t even try.
BEFORE kids my needs were first. AFTER kids I can't even find my needs.
BEFORE kids I could get ready for work and out the door without forgetting anything… AFTER kids I forget at least one thing each morning and/or I can’t get my undies on the right way!
BEFORE kids I was incomplete and empty and didn’t even know it. AFTER kids I’m full… Sure, I might be full of it but it’s still better than before.
It’s hard to compare the before to the after… I can always reminisce on how it was before the kids, but it’s hard to imagine my life without them now. By the end of the day, I am extremely worn out, I have memorized every episode on Nick Jr., I know the latest drama with Carly, Sam and Gibby, there is no hot water left and fruit roll up wrappers are everywhere. But also, at the end of the day, there’s nothing that can compare to my, after.