Have you ever had a week where you were positive your entire life, all of your hard work, plans, ideas and future were dissolving right before you at a speed too fast for you to control? And surely you were going to end up alone, broke and probably living in some half way house for rejects? Then a couple days later you get the unpleasant surprise of your monthly cycle and realize all the irrational and psychotic behavior was nothing more than the your body playing ping pong with your hormones? You start retracing your steps and all the arguments you’ve had that week and making a mental list of people you owe an apology to. Boyfriends and husbands are usually first on the list because let’s be honest, they are on the front lines of our foolish and unprovoked shenanigans we create. Next would be the children, your boss, the dog, the cashier at Wal-mart, the lady at the bank, the guy on the highway, your mom, sister or whichever relative you typically deem worthy of receiving your bitchiness, the teacher and quite possibly anyone else who has come in contact with you within the last 72 hours.
So here is my public apology to anyone who has come in direct contact with me this week and had an unpleasant encounter. Here in my life I value your existence and our relationship very much. I strive to provide the best experience possible to you. Please note that during the third week of the month (give or take a few days) I will not be available for rational conversations or enjoyable company. You will probably receive unwarranted blame for anything that bothers me. Anything I say or do should not be taken to heart and will not reflect the true feelings I have towards you. If you are offended during this time of the month, you have been warned and the blame is now on you.
Good news is I’m not insane, I’m just a woman.
P.S. Until Friday, feel free to BITE ME!