Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I'm tired

I don’t have any clever or cute way to begin this entry. So I’m gonna go for the salty, honest truth. Parenting is kicking my butt and giving no mercy. You’d think because I rotate weekends with the X-man that I would have time to rejuvenate and replenish my strength and patience. Apparently the only thing the non custodial time does for me is make me miss the peace and quiet even more during my custodial time. I don’t want to sound like I don’t enjoy my kids, because I do. I love their presence in the house. I love knowing they are asleep across the hall from me.  I love them. No doubt or question about it. What I don’t love are the tantrums, the talking back, the non-stop questions, the gauntlet of dinner and bath time, the never ending requests for things out of their reach (that they don’t need in the first place), the theatrical dramas of bedtime, the potty training, the fighting of whose show we are gonna watch first, the fighting about getting dressed in the morning, (can’t wait for uniforms this year), the sibling tango which consists of who can irritate who the most. I’m tired of being their referee more than their mom. I’m tired of cooking dinner and 3 bites later they’re full, then 20 minutes later they’re hungry. I’m tired of saying, “You should have eaten your dinner.” I’m tired of the whining. I’m tired of fighting to get them IN the bath then fighting to get them OUT of the bath. I’m tired of saying “stop.”  I’m tired of sippy cups. I’m tired of spills. I’m tired of crumbs. I’m tired of wondering if this is a phase. I’m tired of being out numbered. I’m tired of being the villain. I’m tired of not enjoying this like I should be. I’m tired of being tired.

I’m digging into my parenting devotionals; I’m trying to apply Love and Logic methods to every situation. I’m praying for my family every day and night. Deep down I miss being able to enjoy the most important job I’ve ever been hired to do. I know God assigned these children to my life because only I can fill the uncomfortable shoes as mom.  So I’m gonna wear the shoes He gave me. I’m gonna walk in them every day. And when I feel it is detrimental to my mental health that I vent, I will publish those rants here.

Please judge me quietly.