When I come here to write and vent about my frustrations with single parenting or trying to co-exist with the X-man I usually feel better right away. Something about publishing how I feel validates the hurt and emotions that brought me to that place. Writing clears out the junk in my head and leaves a vacancy for more junk to take up residency.
I pray daily. It’s part of my routine. Talking to God about everything gives me an eternal sense of validation while the blog is more of a superficial source of support and a place for me to rant about life as a single mom and ex wife. Lately I have felt challenged by God to embrace my trials instead of trying to figure them out or fix them. I’m a planner, a do-er and a fixer. So I plan things, I get things done and if it’s broken, I fix it. It’s a self reliant trait that I’ve developed over the past two years. But being so self sufficient leaves little room for me to rely on Jesus Christ. It’s a thin line and I try hard never to cross it.
It’s extremely out of my character to let go of the reins and let problems fix themselves. Some say I’m a control freak and to them I say, shut up.
The truth is God will never waste my suffering and He can use my problems to further His kingdom. It’s humbling to think that my itsy bitsy problems could be a small part of His bigger plan. I don’t believe God’s plan for me is to fight with the X-man for the next 16 years. I believe God is trying to use my circumstances to produce patience, perseverance and peace in my world.
When we put our focus on all the negative things and people around us, it steals the rightful spotlight away from God and all He is doing in our lives. It’s a magic trick the enemy uses often. He creates diversions and interrupts our peace in many different ways. Recognizing this trap is so difficult because I allow my emotions to rule over my eternal perspective of the situation.
God I pray that you will steady my heart. I surrender my emotions to You. I want to focus my heart and eyes on Your work in my life, not Satan’s. I know his attempts pale in comparison to what you are doing in my life and what You have already done for me. I won’t let my circumstances trump Your blessings. I will worship You in the way I face each new trial. I will reflect Your goodness with the words I use and choices I make. Please take my external perspective and make it Your eternal vision for my life.