I think as humans we tend to care more about being served a big, hot plate of justice than doing, saying and acting in way that we know is right.
For me personally, I have done this by blogging about the X-man. It validates my emotions to publish them. It exerts all my bottled up aggression and frustrations. But how long does it last? It’s obviously not a permanent solution to the problem otherwise I wouldn’t have so many entries involving him.
It’s a band aid to a gunshot wound.
While the X-man plays a big part in my life, it’s not my place to expose him on my blog, in public, in private or anywhere else. I don’t discuss his true colors with the kids and I surely don’t want the kids to discover them here.
I’m not apologetic or regretful for my emotions. I’m 127.3% entitled to how I feel about the situation and him in general. But as a Christian I have to display characteristics of Christ even when I don’t FEEL very Christ like.
God pours his grace on us when we are undeserving of it. Although my grace tank for the X-man is running on fumes, God is big enough to replenish it for me if I’m open to receive it. Truthfully, I was/am perfectly comfortable sitting in my dirty diaper of anger and disappointment. But this is not what God desires for me. He has equipped me to not just survive my circumstances, but to overcome and conquer them. With Him, I can be victorious over my situation in a righteous way.
I was at a place where I didn’t want to pray for him anymore. Quite frankly the more I prayed for him the worse he seemed to get. Obviously my prayers weren’t/aren’t producing the outcome I desired.
Then this scripture came to mind: James 2: 14-26
Basically, faith without works is dead.
The purpose of my prayer is to ask God to align me with His will, rather than asking Him to be aligned with mine. My prayers can’t be contingent on what God can do for my circumstances.
God doesn’t call me to be responsible for the X-man. Only God knows his heart, intentions and motivations.
He knows mine as well.
Blogging about the X-man only feeds Satan and his quest to steal, kill and destroy our lives and relationships. I’ve been fueling the fire that Satan ignites daily.
This will be the last entry about the X-man.