Friday, August 17, 2012

Thank You - Gee What A Concept


*Thank You
*I appreciate you

Both statements take one breath to say and just a few thumb strokes to text. The effort to say these things are so minimal and the outcome of it are so vast. I can’t compute in my head why someone would deny anyone these magical words.

My love language is words of affirmation. I like being told I’m doing a good great job, that my efforts are recognized and appreciated. I like feeling needed, wanted and valued. When I’m denied of these things, depending on who is denying them to me I tend to feel sad, insecure, angry and sometimes hurt. And right now, I’m pissed.

Being the mom, I naturally assume the role of tying any lose ends involving….. Well everything. This month I’ve been busy preparing for Kylee’s first year of school and cheerleading. Making the calls, asking the questions, filling out the paperwork, pulling birth certificates, shot records, making appointments, buying supplies and chauffeuring to and from all over town. All of this is in addition to the nightly routine of madness that includes cooking, cleaning, bathing and bedtime stories.

Naturally I do my best to keep the X-man informed of things involving his kids. And naturally, those messages go unanswered and unacknowledged. A simple reply of, “thank you” or “thanks” would suffice. But nothing. His lack of response and expression of appreciation irks me to the center of my core. He doesn’t share in the stresses of parenting with me so the very least he could do is acknowledge a text. Last week I sent him a lengthy email with the details of Kylee’s school schedule, before and after school care, costs, plans, uniform colors, dress code requirements, first bell, tardy bell, cheering schedule, and a few other things that will affect him every other Friday.  I basically chewed up and spoon fed him every aspect he needs to know. Just another message that went unanswered. At this point, I would appreciate “K.” (And I HATE “k” responses) But in his case I’d make the exception.

His girlfriend serves as the intermediary and at this point I have a better chance communicating with her than I do him.

I’ve listened to The Boy have conversations with his ex wife and it’s the type of relationship I think that even dreaming for is a long shot. They discuss their son’s upcoming baseball season, schedule and their plans and goals for him this school year. It’s casual, easy, respectful, mutual and two sided. They both speak, they both listen and they both leave the conversation satisfied.

I understand that co-parenting is a sport that takes time and practice to go pro. My relationship to the X-man is always under construction and I’m sure will always have infinite room for improvement.

I’m doing my part. I’m following the rules. I’m taking the high road. I’m playing nice. And the disappointment that accompanies him not doing his part disturbs me and wears me out emotionally.

My expectations of him are severely below average and rightfully placed there. He continues to miss the bar that I have set so low for him. It’s embarrassing that at the age of 29, being respectful is still such an unfeasible challenge for him.

I’m a great mother to his children. And that fact alone should be the monumental and sole reason he displays respect, gratitude and appreciation to me. I do it for my kids not him, but in return it relieves him of the burden of doing a thing!  A simple “thanks” would be nice.

THANK YOU for reading.