Friday, September 14, 2012

The Redbox Fury


I’m impatient by nature. It runs in my family. Waiting in long lines, on people, for lights to change, for the oven to preheat, all of these things make my foot tap at a fast rate.  I can’t help it. I discovered two things today. 1 Redbox triggers my impatient-ness and 2. I’m an idiot. I’ll explain both.

First of all, I never have good luck at a Redbox. Ever. In theory it’s a great invention. $1 per day and movie rentals that you can keep as long as you want with no late fees, no sign ups, nothing? Sign me up! Figuratively. But the truth is it’s not just $1 per movie, it’s $1 and some change. Then they’re always out of the movie you really want. When you hit the jackpot and your movie is actually in stock, you get home, pop the corn, pour the wine and settle in and you get 20 minutes into the movie and it’s scratched and skipping.  Night ruined. In addition to the labyrinth of obstacles you have to jump through to successfully rent a movie, there is always a line of indecisive and inconsiderate jack holes who will spend 20 minutes browsing new releases, reading the reviews and shrugging their shoulders at the impossible decision of whether or not to invest their hard earned $1.07 in this uncertain suspense thriller of Vampires VS. Strippers. And if they do know what movie that want, then it’s the swiping of their debit card that completely blows their mind and they have to concentrate harder than when they took the SATs. Side note: Redbox and grocery store self scanner operations need to be added to the SATs. My presence always goes ignored as I cough and sign frequently. Their focus cannot be disrupted!

This morning I decided I would reserve the movies online and go to the kiosk later to pick them up. I’ve made some evolutionary progress when renting from Redbox and knew better than to go to one on a Friday night unprepared. I pull up to the Kiosk and spotted the above mentioned fruit nut that hangs from the Redbox like a monkey and you can tell from afar they have no idea what or how they got there. These people are usually in house shoes. I wait in my car for the lady to retrieve her 5 (FIVE) discs and I go in. I choose the option to pick up my reservation, I swipe my card, and I get an error message. Huh? I repeat a few times before I realize I probably look like one of the above mentioned fruit nuts…. Whoops.  

I pridefully call the customer service number and sit on hold. As I’m sitting on hold, tapping my impatient foot and cursing the inventor of Redbox I decide to check my email confirmation to make sure everything went through okay. The email clearly states to use Kiosk B. I was on Kiosk A. I.am.an.idiot. I cowardly hang up the phone before the disgruntled rep realizes I’m a complete twit. I retrieved my purchase, hung my head low and got the H outta there!!