Thursday, January 24, 2013

This one isn't funny either guys, sorry

I had previously begun writing a blog about my decision to leave Facebook. I’d like to just chalk it up to a personal decision I made for myself. I sent out a massive message to those I was closest to on the social network that I was deactivating my account and that we would have to keep in touch the old fashioned way which may or may not involve actual stamps. Then everyone got all up in my chili and wanted to know what happened? When the truth is nothing really happened other than I finally stopped making excuses and justifying my flesh and listened to the Holy Spirit. I had been praying for about two weeks that God reveal to me anything or anyone who was hindering my walk with Him or distracting me from being the best version of myself. The thing about asking God to show us things, and guide us in our messy lives is we either don’t listen or choose our way over His. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

One day last week Kylee got in trouble for talking in class. I asked her what happened. Her typical juvenile response was, “everyone was talking.” I asked her if that made it okay and instinctively she said no. Before she went to bed early that night I sat with her and told her that usually in life, if everyone is doing it, then it’s probably a good decision to go the other way. Then God said, Amanda, this goes for you too. Fast forward a couple days. Kurt and I were talking and he made a comment about Facebook. He said, Jesus wouldn’t go to the market to gossip with the women would he? And that was the confirmation I needed. Not that every Facebook user pursues drama or gossip. But that is what it had evolved into for me. And God tells us to flee from temptation. So I got to fleein’!!

The past two weeks have been very spiritually challenging for both myself and Kurt.  He was being pressed and stirred up by the Lord with some things and at the same time I was being challenged in my faith. 1 Peter 5:10 tells us And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 

At that time, in the eye of our storms I don’t believe Kurt and I truly knew what we were about to experience but on Wednesday 1/16/2013 God made His presence known to both of us.  And whatever reasons or excuses we previously had to dodge Him had been removed. Side note: sparring personal details, I’m so immensely proud of Kurt. There are no words for how brave and honorable this man is.

If you have been following my blog since the beginning it’s no secret that my divorce was like a scene from a horror movie.  The relationship I had/have with the X-man has never been sturdy, reliable, or peaceful. Of course there were short periods of peace..Typically as a result of my exceptional ability to pretend and ignore things. Our relationship is a lot like trying to balance a bowling ball on a pencil, or roller blade on marbles or watch Kathy Lee Gifford do stand up. Recently in the foggy moments of anger and desperation I took my personal struggles to Facebook. (see previous blog) I got up on my unearned platform that FB gives to anyone with an email account and began using that stage to express MY opinions, MY disappointments, MY defense, MY side. MY, MY, MY. Where is God in that? When we remove God from our actions, the words we speak, the way we live, we give Satan not just an entry into our lives but a red carpet, champagne and hors d'oeuvres wrapped in bacon.

At the same time Kurt was under fire with his own struggles. My junk and his junk collided last week in a way that denying God’s hand in it was undeniable. It was like a well rehearsed and orchestrated event. We discussed our past and how it would terminally affect our future if we didn’t deal with it.

So, he is cleaning up his past messes and seeking forgiveness and healing, I am pursuing God’s perspective on my situation so that I may act and speak out of the spirit not the flesh. We are on the road to redemption, together.

Wow, I guess this blog wasn’t my normal humorous self. But guys listen, I have the kids this weekend and I’m sure I will get some new mommy material to write about soon. Please keep reading and thank you for being part of this incredible journey with me.