Friday, March 8, 2013

A couple new phases...

Ok I’m gonna level with ya, sometimes my maternal instincts are a little less Michelle Duggar and little more Ma Fratelli from the Goonies. I’m not proud of it, it just is what it is. It’s our job as parents to teach our kids everything. Wow, no pressure there. Of course their teachers teach them the book stuff, but it’s up to us to teach them the street stuff. How to earn money, save money, spend money, say please, thank you and I’m sorry.  

(Get in the tub NOW or I'll shoot)

We have to lead by example (God help us) and I swear I can do 10 good things and 3 bad things and they will multiply that 3 by 9 and add 25. Not sure if I have the math right on that but my point is I can put my Parent’s Guide mask on and do everything right Monday – Friday (don’t laugh, it’s happened) and I accidentally throw a tiny fit waiting in line at Walmart and my kids will be saying “come on lady” for the next 5 days! 

They can’t remember their designated hook for their jacket and backpacks, but can remember me saying, “yeah maybe” to their candy before dinner request when I was on the phone, in traffic. How? They don’t hear me when I’m telling them to pick up their toys for the 15th time, but they hear me whisper “I’ll tell you later” on the phone, while in the back room, hiding in the closet. “Tell em what? Who was that? Was it about me? Tell me, I wanna know. I won’t tell.” They are like little CIA spy ninjas that are listening to everything that’s not their business and nothing that is their business. They are not where I need them to be (the bathtub, dinner table, or in bed) and everywhere I don’t need them to be (in my bathroom – for every performance) 

My problem is I’m a little on the sarcastic side and the way I speak to my friends and family can be considered rude or funny, depending on who you’re asking. I have to really watch my derisive tone, especially around the kids or Kylee will pick it up and I’m stuck reprogramming her for weeks. She’s in a phase right now where she thinks she can call me “dude.” She got this from her little tweeny friends at school. When her response to me is “Dude, I’ll do it in a minute” my natural anti-Duggar mom response looks a tiny bit like this. 

The latest thing she started doing is rushing in when she knows I can’t chase after her or reply to her right away, like when I’m in the shower, or on the phone, or conversing with another adult. She will bombard me with a question (the answer is usually NO when she asks this way) and before I can utter out a syllable she shouts, “Ok thanks!!!” and disappears. Ex: I’m in the shower washing my face when she runs in and asks if she and Logan can use the fingerpaints – “OK THANKS” Or when I’m on the phone with a customer trying to sound professional with Sponge Bob in the background, she whispers, “Will this flush? Can I flush this?” OK THANKS!  Checking out at the grocery store, “Can I go see if they have the markers I want?” OK THANKS! 

Logan keeps announcing to anyone within a 15 foot radius that he farted and what it smells like. He calls everyone Poopy-butt and laughs. He’s starting to pee in the tub instead of the toilet and laughs about it. (Side note: He sure as H didn’t get this from me.) Simply, he’s being a boy but still gross and embarrassing when you’re in line at Target and he says to the clerk “Hi poopy butt I farted in the cart.”

Happy parenting everyone! OK THANKS!