Friday, March 22, 2013

The Unexplainable

There are few days that pass by without the kids doing or saying something that confuses the crap out of me. I guess some things are just never meant to be understood. Kids must be one of them. Here are a couple things I have encountered with the kids that leave me really needing a nap and some wine.

Kylee is in a phase (please gaaawd let it be a phase) where she refuses to let her socks match. It’s my natural instinct when folding the laundry to match socks. Do you have any idea how hard it is to purposely mix-match socks? It’s like learning to drive in France. It’s backwards and dangerous. I don’t get it. 

Logan is STILL in a phase where he talks about poop just about all the time. Either he is calling you Poopie Pants, Doodie Pants, Poopie Pooper doo-doo butt, or just POOP! There are no boundaries to it either. At Kylee’s softball games, “GOOOOO KYLEE POO POO PANTS!!!” At a restaurant he orders POOP to drink. When it comes time for him to wipe himself, he won’t because he doesn’t want to get poop on his hands. He’s all talk. I don’t get it. 

Kylee still hates pants. And I hate them now, too! And I hate that she hates them! And I hate that we fight about them! I don’t know what they ever did to her! We’ve had some nice weather lately so this hasn’t sucked every bit of remaining energy from my exhausted body but today… A cold front coming in sent her off the deep end and she took me with her. So we argued AGAIN about wearing friggin pants. I’m not one of those mothers who want to encourage her children to do something because everyone else is doing it. But the same little friends who encouraged her to never wear matching socks also wear pants and they do it without high blood pressure so just wear some pants dang it!!! I don’t get it. 

Bath time is like when Maximus is entering the arena to fight Commodus. In our house when I say “OK guys, time to take a bath/shower” they go into panic mode like I’m making them jump in a pool of acid. Bath time does not mean bed time but for some unexplainable reason they associate bath time to our night coming to an end (every mom’s favorite time. Don’t lie, you know you love bedtime too) and if they can somehow piss me off prolong it then they can somehow avoid the inevitable. But, as soon as they get in, I can’t get them out. Kylee will use all of our hot water dancing in the shower while Logan will beg me for 5 more minutes in the tub. I can’t peacefully get them in and I can’t peacefully get them out. I don’t get it.

Communication can be hard whenever there are two people involved, but add a 3rd person it becomes a little more complex. But when that 3rd intermediary is an opinionated little 6 year old it becomes a beat-down ass whoopin. That’s what I deal with on a daily basis. Kylee will be sent home with a permission slip to be signed, or another dad-gum book fair order form, monthly calendars, etc… When I open her daily folder and remove the items addressed to the parents Kylee immediately gets involved. Because what happens is this; These teachers know their multiple requests/invitations/begging letters for parents to join the PTA get sent directly to the trash. They also suspect that parents aren’t interested in buying books for $7.99 that are $1.75 at Half Priced Books. They probably don’t want to use a Saturday chaperoning a herd of kids either so they persistently send home these annoying requests for the parents to get involved. Then they fill the little people’s minds with promises of candy, extra stickers, more recess time, and excursions to Disney World.  (Ok the Disney part isn’t true…yet) So Kylee will beg me to join the PTA, or buy a bunch of over priced books, or skip work to volunteer for her class something or other. When I try to explain to Kylee that she won’t flunk Kindergarten if she doesn’t buy a book from the book fair she flips out. The teachers know exactly what they are doing. Well played teachers, well played. This I do get, and I don’t like it. 

I recently signed a permission slip for Kylee to participate in an Easter egg hunt. Each “student” (aka parents) are supposed to bring at least 12 candy filled eggs. At the bottom there was a place for the parents to sign with two options. 

____ I will help chaperon the class when walking from the school to the park.
____ I will arrive early to help hide the Easter Eggs. 

Um, hello, where is the 3rd option?

____ I will gladly send my student with the eggs you requested but I have a full time job that I must attend otherwise there would be no money to buy those candy filled eggs. In lieu of my time I have enclosed 27 Box Tops to show my apologies and support for the school! Go Dragons!! Dinosaurs? Or is it hawks?? Wait. What’s the school mascot? 

Anyway, have a great weekend guys!