Friday, March 15, 2013

What you should have said.... No don't say that


This post comes is brought to you by the mind of my sister. Her brain doesn’t formulate sarcastic literature the way mine does. So here’s a little back story so you aren’t completely lost while reading this post. 

Side bar: Mom stop reading now because I might be a little too sarcastic and foul-mouthed for your liking. “I don’t like that Mandy” yes I know.. I Love you! See you at dinner tonight!

Ok, my sister Casey is probably the most stubborn, strong willed and passionate person in the history of ever. The only thing more stubborn then her is the wall of China. It’s believed amongst the family that Casey married her ex husband simply because she knew we didn’t agree with it… Stubborn! Due to this stubbornness she now suffers from the severe case of D-bag Ex-husband-itis. If she can make it 3 days without fighting with him about anything it’s a victory. 

A lot of times when she is venting to me about the last ludicrous argument she had with him I usually respond with “You should have said…..” and when I say “You should have said this” it’s not to be taken literal folks. A lot of what I think you should do or say would get you in deep fecal matter. Since saying these witty and clever retorts will get her absolutely no where with her X I figured I could write them here on her behalf. Odds are that he can’t read anyway so this shouldn’t cause too much damage.  

Today she called me because he demanded that she stop their 4 year old from sucking his thumb. He explained that it’s a bad habit. She was distracted for a moment because Captain Obvious flew in and knocked over all her bottles of No Shit Sherlock. It was a big mess. Then he expressed his concern about how much the dental bill would be in a few years to fix his teeth. Pull the reins back for a moment hero and focus on the accruing child support you will have to pay in a few years if you don’t stop financing tattoos, Gucci sunglasses and pinky rings and start supporting the basic needs of your child. He explained to her that on the 3-5 days he actually sees their son he will be putting him in timeout for sucking his thumb and suggested my sister ask any grown adult how they feel about a kid sucking their thumb. My response to that would have been something along the lines of, “Yeah and while I’m at it I’ll ask this same grown adult their opinions on not paying their car payment to the point of repossession, or  on buying a 4 year old a skateboard that he can’t use for another 2 years. Or how about we ask a panel of grown adults their opinions on men who call themselves Fathers but refuse to participate financially in the needs of their children? 

You can’t buy your kid a Hot Wheels and a Happy meal then beg to drop them off early because you have “shit to do” and then have a legitimate voice in his hypothetical dental bills in the future.  

It’s a good thing he and I don’t speak.