Wednesday, April 10, 2013

A Letter to All Dead Beat Dads


Dear Ass Hat, 

I am writing this letter to you on behalf of all the single mothers who struggle on a monthly, weekly, daily and hourly basis as a result of your selfish and immature outlook on being a cooperative co-parent. When I use the term “struggle” I am not referring solely to financial struggle. It is emotional and mental struggle as well. Maybe the thought hasn’t crossed your simple little mind yet that the mental and emotional well being of the one raising your children should be considered somewhat of a priority to you. Because guess what? If the primary care giver is losing her Schmidt every day it could quite possibly affect your kids! Ya know, the ones you claim to love. I will redefine love later in this letter for you as well. 

You place all the weight of raising children on the shoulders of one person, they are destined to snap. It’s okay that you barely got out of high school with a diploma. You don’t have to be valedictorian to know that one person can’t carry the weight for two dumbass. We appreciate the abundance of confidence you have in us to provide for every single friggin need and demand of our little lovelies without any help from you. But your lack of give-a-damn goes hand in hand with our inner bitch. And the inner bitch wouldn’t come out if you would throw your toddler pants away and try on your big boy pants for once. Just see if they fit. 

I realize you would rather menstruate monthly than send money to your ex-wife. In your mind you’re sending money to fund her Pinterest addictions and many shopping sprees. But please believe me, any money you send goes into her household budget. Did I just loose you? Sorry, I will refrain from using such big and scary words. The money you send eventually ends up in the kid’s stomachs in the form of food; Or on their backs in the form of clothing. Sometimes it goes towards their afterschool care. If you were unaware, that ain’t free honey. You know those games you miss because you’re on vacation? There were registration and uniform fees to join that team. The vehicle that took them to those games usually comes with a car payment, insurance and gas. It could also come in the form of clean children. The water was crucial to the bath they had last night and the electricity was a big help when doing homework. All of these things took place under a roof that was also, wait for it… wait for it…NOT FREE ass clown. So while you’re white knuckling your coach wallet and jumping through every ring of fire and finding every loop hole to avoid paying child support, you are only hindering the quality of food and clothes your kids consume and wear; And the amount of extra activities they get to participate in. Yes it also hinders our mental state because we stress ourselves bald making sure our kids don’t go without because they have a selfish man child as their sperm donor. 

And while driving your ex wife insane is a guilty pleasure of your’s, please know that your kids had to suffer in order for you to cause any anguish to us. You can’t punish us, without somehow punishing them first. Also, just a side note and something you might want to jot down on a post it somewhere… That divorce decree signed by a judge wasn’t a suggestion letter or optional list of instructions on how to be a man. It was an actual legal binding contract that you’re supposed to adhere to regardless of what a douche you are at heart. And while escaping your legal responsibilities has become a sport in your little world, (and you’re a pro at it) eventually your feet will be held to the fire. You will be forced into submission sooner or later. Since the legal system is bottle necked with stubborn, childish, dead beat dads, it will most likely be later.

But believe me, like Wyatt Earp once said, “  Tell all the other curs the LAW'S coming! You tell 'em I'M coming... and Hell's coming with me, you hear?! Hell's coming with me!” 


So about this love word you toss around as often as you switch out girlfriends. Stop using it until you understand what it means. Just because you donated the goods to produce the kids doesn’t mean you naturally love them. Love is intentional, not natural. Love is an action and a choice. It’s demonstrated through your choices; The good and bad ones. Love is expressed in how you spend/waste your time, energy and money. Love is sacrificial. Love is not sending a random text about how much you miss and love them after you have passed up opportunities to spend time with them because it wasn’t your custodial day.

Side note: Isn’t it ironic how the only time the divorce decree is implemented in your life is when it’s in reference to your custodial time with them?

Your juvenile and irresponsible choices are a direct expression of your love towards your kids. Unstable life decisions leave your children with a gaping hole of insecurity in their hearts. That insecurity will breed fear and eventually they will develop trust issues with you.  And the older they get the more aware they become. You will naturally need someone to pin this on and I am assuming you will elect your ex-wife for your distant relationship with your own children. But truth is your children are smart little farts. They aren’t house pets without any concept of their surroundings. Their disappointment in you will be the natural result of broken promises and lies. Not because mommy rolled her eyes the last time you called. 

In closing, you can’t possibly look in the mirror and see DAD OF THE YEAR. I mean, right? Here is a simple check list. When you have the majority of these items checked, you can consider yourself a dad. Until then, you’re just the guy who helped create kids. 

E     Employed (like with taxes taken out and everything)
       Own housing not provided by a girlfriend or parents
       Own car (also not provided for by a girlfriend or parents)
       Pays child support (not $20 here and there when you’re feeling generous.)
       Quality time (not sitting next to the kids on the couch while watching Sponge Bob)
       Makes promises – Keeps promises (this one is kinda crucial, you’ll see why one day)
       Supports (financially and morally) in the daily dealings of the kids
       Don’t suck!

Sincerely,

Struggling Single Mother