Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Keep Calm and Marry On


Way before I met the love of my life, (I love you Kurt) back when I was just a spectator of stressed out brides I remember telling myself, “I will never get that worked up over a wedding.” I am now eating those fondant covered words. My current self would like to go back in time and kick my past self in the forehead.

I can plan the heck out of a birthday party. I’m the queen of Evites, cupcakes, balloons and goodie bags. But when it comes to weddings I am a natural disaster and I’m faux pas-ing all over the place. Breaking every tradition known to bride.  There are actual cave-women brides rolling over in their graves at my wedding planning capabilities. Or should I say incapability’s.  I know more about testicular cancer than I do about planning a wedding yall. For real. 

So, I’ve compiled a list of things NOT to do while planning a wedding.

1. Don’t share your ideas with anyone, including the groom. JUST KIDDING! Kind of. When you share your ideas with people you are opening yourself up to a LOT of unsolicited opinions. Before you know it you are second guessing everything about YOUR day.  And when you tell the groom your ideas their response is either a grunt, a head nod, or a “whatever you want babe.” It isn’t until you actually make and purchase a decision that they give you their opinion. (I love you Kurt)

2. Don’t delegate. Because YOUR day doesn’t mean spit to anyone else. When you entrust responsibilities to others you will find yourself doing a bunch of follow ups on the task only to be greeted with the disappointment that they haven’t done a thing you asked. Then you will transform into Grumpy McGrumper pants and no one will like you. Including the groom. (I love you Kurt!)

3. If you like it, buy it. Like right NOW! Go to the register immediately. If you say to yourself, “I’ll come back for that” you will be exceedingly irate when the 14 year old Hobby Lobby associate looks at you like you just asked her who the president of Saudi Arabia is. She will go get a manager who will then be 50 shades of pissed that she had to leave her station to help you find this unknown object that apparently Hobby Lobby only manufactured a few of and are apparently sold out of and she doesn’t know if or when they will get more in because she really doesn’t know what the nap-sack you’re talking about in the first place.  Just buy it now and save yourself the eruption of inner fury later. 

4. Stay off of Pinterest! I know it’s so tempting not to browse the Wedding category to see if anything new has been pinned. But don’t browse things you have already checked off of your list. If your bouquets are done, don’t look at bouquets. If your dress is bought, don’t look at dresses. If your invitations are printed, don’t look at invitations. If your groom is already picked. Ahhhh gotcha! Catch my vibe? Otherwise you’ll find yourself exceeding your budget, making more trips to Hobby Lobby and buying more burlap then you know what to do with. Trust me. 

5.  If you have any friends getting married, do not compare your plans to theirs. This is hard. Girls are to weddings as boys are to ESPN. We could talk about it all day long. This is fine as long as you don’t start questioning your own plans. Each bride is different and each budget is different. You just be you, let your friends be who they are. 

6. Don’t freak out. (insert sarcastic laughter here_____) After all the planning is complete and your money is gone and you have an abundance of burlap and silk ribbon left over. You still have your best friend who will be at the altar waiting to say I DO regardless of the flower arrangements, which hor d'oeuvres are being served, what kind of shoes you’re wearing or what the final head count is.

I might need to add to this list later because my planning is not completed yet. Sigh. 

I mean this in the best of ways, I can’t wait until this wedding is over! (I love you Kurt)