Thursday, July 18, 2013

My laundry basket is half full. It overflows

There are approximately 39 days before school starts. We haven’t read a book together since two weeks prior to school being let out for the summer. The only arithmetic the kids have done is how much longer until we leave for the water park, how many more shows before bedtime, how much longer until dinner and how many times mommy has to tell me to flush in a day. 

Then I wonder why my kids act and do such stupid shhhhh right in front of me. I am single handedly responsible for my children’s brain failure. It’s on me. Their brains go into hibernation mode in the summer and when called upon to use it, tantrums and back talk spew from their mouths. They are thoughtless, careless and sloppy little demons.  And it’s causing twitching and muscle knots all over my body. 

I’m a little tired of their rolling eyes, lights left on, wrappers everywhere, shoes everywhere, socks everywhere, couch pillows… You guessed it, everywhere. These children are like little traveling grenades exploding every 15 minutes in every square inch of our home.  They are unaware of their surroundings and could probably survive in a dumpster. Where ever they go, a mess follows. When we walk in the door it’s like a race who can remove everything they have on the fastest and demand a snack first. Much like slugs leave a trail of their grossness, my children leave evidence of their sloth-ness.  

I spend a lot of my time deflecting their tattling, cooking un-eaten food, refilling cups, replacing couch pillows, reminding little people to turn the lights off, folding laundry and repeating myself. 

Then people have the nerve to ask us if we’re having more children. Sometimes it’s not IF, it’s WHEN are you having more children?  I usually give these people a 7 second head start before I attack them like a honey badger. 

The house is full. 3 kids, 2 adults, 1 paranoid dog. It’s a losing battle. The air freshener can’t keep up with the odor of feet. Our towels permanently smell like chlorine and I’m constantly tripping on Xbox controllers. This is either summer life or the new way of life with 3 children in the house. I will have a better understanding in about 40 days. 

Our children may never know that we don’t care who had it first, who had it last, whose turn it is, whose turn is next, what happened, why it happened, or where it happened. As long as we don’t have to clean anything, pay for anything, explain anything, or get up again. If there isn’t blood, then we REALLY don’t care. Now flush the toilet, turn the light off, hang up your towel and don’t forget to put on underwear! 

Happy Summering yall! 

Side Note: Things are going really well. We absolutely love having Isaac full time. Everyone is adjusting to the new routine, new rules, new dynamics and our new life as a blended family. The kids try to compete for our love and attention all the time. The books say that’s completely normal so I’m not freaking out too much. We try to give each kid some one on one time, equal disbursement of love and attention. They say it takes a few years for a blended family to really blend.. Let’s hope we’re ahead of the curve. I think we are. 

Thinking positive. I’m a laundry basket half full kind of person after all.  

Thursday, July 11, 2013

1000 Crappy Things

I recently subscribed to this blog thing called 1000 Awesome Things. It gives you little daily things that are, well, awesome! Like taking your heels off at the end of a long day, (for me it’s my bra, but same difference) or your first cup of coffee in the morning, the smell of a hardware store, etc. All in efforts to help you appreciate the smaller things in life. Awe how sweet right?! I love that idea. 

Leave it to me to wanna write something the exact opposite of that. I didn’t even have to channel my inner Omarosa to write this post. The negative junk just flows from my brain to my finger tips like Mountain Dew flows in house of Honey Boo Boo.  

So here’s the beginning of my list of 1000 Crappy things. As I discover other things to add to this list (probably while shopping in Walmart) I will create a new post titled 1000 MORE Crappy things.
1.       Wet towels on the floor. Oh sweet Santa Claus why!!! This problem multiplies during the summer due to the numerous trips to the pool. I bought a towel rack for the kid’s bathrooms specifically for… TOWELS, TAAA-DAAA! And they have yet to acknowledge it’s existence.
2.       Remotes. We have 3 TV’s and 4 remotes. On any given day of the week, we might  know where 1 is. If we’re lucky! The other 3 could possibly be under the towels but no one will ever find them because no one picks them up. They casually side step them and continue on with their lives until I’m yelling at them to please use the damn towel rack! Oh hey look, a remote?!
3.       People who don’t turn right on red. AHEM school buses! I’m lookin at you.
4.       Snoring. No one in particular, not mentioning names.  I’ll just leave it at, the pre-marriage class mentioned nothing on what to do if your spouse snores like a bull frog mating with a wart hog. Kurt! Huh? Wha?
5.       That Redbox isn’t $1 per movie per night anymore.
6.       Forced computer updates.
7.       Walmart on a Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
8.       When my coffee gets cold.
9.       Bad cell phone service. They didn’t show it in the movie but bad cell phone service was the sole reason Bruce Banner transforms into the Hulk.  
10.   I hate when I get emotional over something and feel 223% justified in my emotional fury (a.k.a over-reaction. i.e crying when your hair tie snaps) and realize 12 hours later it was just my period. Whoops! Then the person you laid your wrath on gets to blame it all on PMS when they were probably equally at fault and deserved everything you gave em and more!! Then 3 days later you realize, man, I really am a bitch once a month. PMS must  be real.Myth Busters need not research this one.
11.   When laundry detergent stains my clothes. It’s pretty much the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to do. Good job Tide, Bravo!

What's the date today?

And this was just from this week! I can already tell I will have to put a limit on my negativity, or offset it by reading more awesome things. We don’t want me getting too cynical and grumpy right? Look guys, I’m not complaining about these things out loud or spreading my annoyance to other people. This entry doesn’t exactly paint me as Miss Susie Sunshine but deep down, (really deep down) I’m sure I have the zen of Gwenyth Paltrow. I'm certain of it! 

In efforts to spread some positivity to counterbalance my negativity, check out

Wednesday, July 10, 2013


Everyone asks, “So how’s everything going? How’s married life? How are the kids doing with the transition?” Instead of responding to you individually, here are the answers to your questions. It’s going good. Married life is amazing! The kids are transitioning pretty well. 

Now here are some details behind those broad answers to your questions. 

The kids get along just like friends, except for when they don’t. It’s truly a 50/50 thing. Either Kylee and Isaac are buddies, playing catch, hide and go seek, conspiring to leave Logan out (insert protective mommy here) or it’s the exact opposite and they are competing in ev-er-y-th-ing! Who can draw the best picture, who can spell better, who can watch TV the best.  I kid you not, they will compete in just about anything EXCEPT who can pick up their crap the best, who can eat all of their dinner without complaining the best, and who can go to bed without asking for 10 more minutes the best. 

We have Isaac this month and his energy level can only be compared to a puppy who drank a red bull and mountain dew slushie. If you threw one of those rubber bouncy balls into a room and closed the door, Isaac is the ball. He is used to his dad on the weekends with endless fun and a bedtime being whenever he crashed and showering was optional.  He is adjusting to having a routine, a schedule and structure. Since the kids have to wake up during the week and go to daycare, they have a bedtime. Showers are required, there’s less time during the week for playing outside then there is on a typical weekend. It’s definitely an adjustment to what he is used to when he is with his dad.

We are still having nightly food fights with Kylee. Her stubbornness will either be the trait to her success in life, or the wall that keeps her from it. Sparing you details, she goes to bed hungry, a lot. And I stress out a lot.

Logan is the youngest and just wants a role in Kylee and Isaac’s shenanigans.   

Kurt and I have the same parenting style and goals for the kids. We are learning to leave his and hers out of our vocabulary. It’s never “her” kids, it’s “our” kids.  Truth be told, we have no idea what we are doing. Like at all. All we really know is we love each other, we love our kids, and we treasure our family. Neither of us could tell you how tomorrow is going to go or the solution to next week’s stuff. But one thing that never changes, is we get to lay down together every night and we love each other more than the night before. That’s enough. So, how’s married life going? Its going, and going and going.

And we love it.