Thursday, September 26, 2013

Kids say the dumbest... I mean the darnest things!

When seasons change there seems to be a lag time for kids to really get it. Like during the summer, we didn’t care if they went swimming when we got home from work. We didn’t care if they ate dinner late, stayed up to watch a movie, or didn’t shower. But when school began, they had a difficult time accepting the reality that showers were now heavily mandated, nightly. 

This past week in Texas we finally received some cooler weather. Praise Jesus!!! It even cooled the pool off. Alas, change in the seasons = mental delay for kids. They still ask us, almost daily if we can go swimming. Ahem, NO!  

And what’s with all the all poop talk? Have I already blogged about this? Well if so, it’s still going on and it’s reaching new levels of humiliation.  I’m not quite sure why pooping and farting is so funny to Logan but I have no words of explanation when he tells strangers he had poop for dinner. Is he insulting my cooking or thinks he’s funny? Either way. It sucks. I love his age and just wish we could have a normal conversation that didn’t involve poop. 

Me: How was your day buddy?
Logan: it was poop.
Me: Oh no why?
Logan: Cause I farted
Me: ……
Logan: Mom did you hear me?
Me: ya
Logan: (giggling) I farted in the poopy butt.
Me: (confused because that doesn’t even make sense) ……
Logan: (still giggling) Can I play a game on your poopy fart phone?
Me: Ew

Also, I’m hoping this is a phase but Logan feels the uncontrollable need to publicly announce anytime a bodily function is about to take place. Burping, farting, sneezing, pooping. He does everything short of sending out a certified memo to the household that he is about to poop and which bathroom he has selected to drop it in. Goodness son just go! We don’t need to know!

I’m convinced the kids are attempting physiological warfare on us.  I can tell by the enthusiasm in their voices they truly think they are making sense, when they are making absolutely zero sense! Example?

Logan: Mommy, where are we going?
Me: Home
Logan: Where?
Me: Uh, to our home.
Logan: with the white?
Me: The white what?
Logan: No, the WHIIIITE!
Me: The WHIIITE what?
Logan: UGH!

Kylee: Where’s my thing?
Me: What thing?
Kylee: That thing I got from the birthday party.
(side note: we haven’t been to a birthday party in over a month)
Me: No clue babe… What’s it look like, what does it do?
Kylee: (all pissy like) It doesn’t do anything mom, I just can’t find it and I know I put it up!
Me: Well I don’t even know what we’re talking about so…?
Logan: I farted
Me & Kylee: GAH!

OH EM GEE I haven’t even blogged about this past weekend have I? Ok it was T-minus 5 minutes before we needed to leave for church. The kids asked if they could wait outside for us. What evil and damage could possibly transpire in 5 minutes?

T-minus 2 minutes before church the boys come inside, completely covered in mud. They decided to lie down. In mud. Before church. Luckily I had just started the kid’s laundry that morning so everything they could possibly change into was in the 2nd spin cycle. Not only were they filthy, they left a trail of mud in our house. When asked the obvious question of why, their stupid facial expressions seemed to almost rebuttal, why not? As if every drop of common sense ever accumulated in their years of living on earth had escaped their brains. We didn’t allow two mentally handicapped boys to wait outside alone unsupervised crossing our fingers for a good outcome. No! We left a 7 year old and 4 year old alone for approximately 180 seconds. They managed to find mud, and lay in it, then proceeded to leave traces of the stupidity all over our carpet. That was the first time Kurt had to peel me off of the ceiling.

And in the famous words of Forrest Gump, that’s all I have to say about that.