Thursday, October 24, 2013

My baby can RRR-EHHH-AAAHH-DDD.... Read.

I have truly underestimated how much patience is required to teach a child to read. It’s like watching paint dry. In slow motion.

I highly recommend if your kid is learning to read that you NOT attempt to help them if you are trying to cook dinner, rotate laundry, or have anything on your TO DO list that is pressing. Because your full attention will be demanded.   The stress of repeating sound it out in increments of hundreds will intensify if you have a task lingering over your head. Bring your wine.

1st grade level books aren’t the most mind stimulating pieces of literature.  But the kids gotta start somewhere and I get that.  What I don’t get is how we can read a book that is so damn redundant about Jim can jump. Jim can spin. Jim can fly. Jim can, Jim can, Jim can… Then with 4 pages left Kylee calls him Jeff. I correct her, it’s Jim. She rolls her precious baby blue eyes at her stupid mother. All snippity, she continues. 

Kylee: Jiiiiiiim can walk. (in a sarcastic, make ya wanna slap her in the forehead tone of voice) Jeff bounces the ball.
Me: It’s Jim, not Jeff.
Kylee: I know!
Me: Then why did you call him Jeff? Do you see an F in his name?
Kylee: Jiiiiiiim grabs his bag. (again, in a I’m smarter than you and how dare you correct my reading – tone of voice) Jeff….GAH I KNOW DON’T EVEN SAY IT!


Told you to bring your wine. Just wait, I haven’t even told you about the silent E’s. What evil sonofa-B invented silent letters anyway?

Book: Sally got to create her own pumpkin face.
Kylee: Sally - - - Why does her name end with Y if the Y makes the YA sound?
Me: sometimes the letter Y makes the EEEE sound.
Kylee: - - - Sally got to……
Me: Sound it out
Me: No that E on the end is silent.
Me: No, it’ Create….
Kylee: ….. Sally got to create her own pumpkin…..
Me: Sound it out
Kylee: FFFF-AHHH-CAH-EHH…. ?? Faughk?
Me: That E is silent on the end.
Kylee: Seriously?
Me: Ya.. But that C makes the SEE sound not the CAH sound.
Kylee: FFFF-AAAAHH – SEE… Faucy?
Me: Sorry, the A makes the AY sound.
Kylee: Just tell me.
Me: Face.
Kylee: Can I start over?


It makes the EEEEEE sound!