Friday, May 2, 2014

Where I've been.... Explained

Well here I am for those of you wondering  where I’ve been. And for those of you not wondering, well then this is kinda awkward. Hiya. Howya been?

Sorry for the long hiatus.  I’ve actually been pretty busy lately. And by busy I mean stressed and tired and trying to grow a business while maintaining a sexy married life with a blended family and kids in sports.  Sometimes by the time I lay down at night, everything “bloggable” that has happened that day has reached a new level of exasperating to me and I can’t find the humor in it by the time my fingertips reach the computer. The trick is in blogging on the spot. If only I could somehow print all the thoughts going on in my mind right when something happens worth sharing. Of course I would have to edit all the bad words out. But where’s the fun in that? 

I’m going to do my best to summarize what’s been going on and the explanation for my absence. 

Well Kurt, the kids and I are still living in this shoebox of an apartment. When it’s a weekend that we have all of the kids, our apartment looks like any page from a Where’s Waldo book. Somehow our kids have become more lazy and disgusting post marriage. Or maybe they were always this way but now that we are officially blended it seems worse. Much, MUCH worse. None of the following are exaggerations:

Empty go-gurt wrappers on the bed, under their covers.  Cereal bowls with old milk and soggy cheerios on dressers. Toothpaste, everywhere. No one flushes. Some don’t wipe. Towels always on the floor, never on the towel rack provided. Clean clothes in the dirty clothes basket and dirty clothes on the floor. Ironically, next to the dirty clothes basket. Filthy, moist socks; pairs of socks are obsolete in our home. Cleaning your room has now become a game of who can shove the most shit under the bed before she comes back in here to yell at us to seriously clean the room now. They are all undefeated in this horrible competition. I’m getting angry as I type this so let’s move on.

Kurt and I joined a company called Nerium International in January and it’s been the ride of our lives. If you haven’t heard of Nerium yet, you WILL and when you do, remember, you heard it here first. Deal? DEAL! We have been making mistakes, learning from our mistakes, correcting our mistakes and having some success. We are building an awesome team together and we are meeting so many new and incredible people!  We are getting close to earning our free LEXUS. WHAT WHAT!!! I have a bad history with vehicles so this is HUGE for me. We are working towards some major goals that will literally change the direction of our children’s lives. Private schooling, REAL college savings, time freedom, financial freedom, vacations, adventures, and over all, making people better. Not to mention, giving back to our church in a way we never imagined possible. It’s funny how 10% can be so small but when its 10% of $50,000… not so small. Praise God! An opportunity to really give back... If you want more info, go to

We are working on buying our first home. Talk about a cocktail of emotions. You weren’t approved, you are approved, I need more info, can you sign these, can you fax that, can you turn that in, you didn’t sign there, oops initial here…. I mean seriously people… Not to mention my sweet husband has never filed a document in his life so when I asked for previous year’s tax returns he looked at me like I was asking him when his last menstrual cycle was and if he preferred pearl or cardboard.

Back in February Kurt got pretty sick. Actually back that up to August, he got really sick. He had severe stomach pains and described it as severe constipation. After all night of being in pain we went to Care Now. The doctor poked around a bit, took some X-rays and diagnosed him with gas. That’s it? How embarrassing. A few bottles of Citrus Nitrate later, we had gas and much, much more! Success! Now, fast forward to February; He was at a clients home (awkward) battle of the bowels returned with a vengeance. He called me on a Wednesday to tell me he thinks he needs to go to the hospital. He was in Plano at the time. We live, not in Plano, 50 miles from there to be exact. Nothing makes an emergency more convenient than it happening an hour away from your home. Due to the timing of the event and the horrifying traffic from our home to Plano, the kids and I were forced to wait hours before we could get to him. Begin the emotional roller coaster. We were in the hospital for a week. Juggling, rotating and strategizing who would keep the kids for a week was strenuous. The day we were told we might be released to go home, it began to ice over. It was one of those freakish Texas weather days when it was 75 and sunny the day before. We were released just in time to make it home safely. I had to go defrost and de-ice the truck first. Mind you, we did not have the appropriate attire for such weather so we basically shivered the whole way home. I cussed a few times. Kurt was feeling much better so he reminded me about 17 times not to hit the brakes on the icy bridges. This is when I learned how to bite my tongue. There is no wife award for this either, by the way. I checked. 

Most recently, I was forced to bring Logan with me to my yearly “lady doctor visit.” He had some valid questions while we waited for the doctor to come in. Why I had to get undressed. What the stirrups were for? Is this toothpaste? Do I always pee in a cup? What do they do with the pee? Can he pee in a cup too? What would they do with his pee? Then he asked, why he has to wait outside of the room? After the awkward visit was over, he reminded me of his last doctor’s visit when they “fixed his weiner.” He was referring to a rash on his inner thighs we couldn’t get rid of. Apparently he thought they did more than cure his rash. 

(I dunno folks, he might have a future in medicine)

So that’s what the Ward household has been up to. Tell me, how have you been?